“Nobody knows the Bible better than I do,” Prez Trump proclaimed
back in pre-
Armaggedon days, when he was courting the evangelical bloc of
voters. That statement’s only logical, given that Trump undoubtedly believes
that he’s the one who wrote it.
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| His knowledge is yuge--yuge as his you-know-what |
He quoted a verse from Second
Corinthians, but cited “Two Corinthians,” to the amusement of the fun-loving crowd
at Liberty University. He later blamed Tony Perkins—not the Psycho guy, but the president of the Family Research Council, who’d
written out some crib notes for Trump. “Tony Perkins wrote that out for me,”
Trump explained while throwing Perkins under the church bus. “He actually wrote
out ‘2’, he wrote out the number ‘2’. I said, ‘Well, Tony has to know better
than anyone.”
That’s not necessarily a
contradiction, giving someone else authority after you’d already claimed it, if
you consider that many authors leave their books behind them once they’re
written.
“Nobody respects women more than I do,” Trump has repeatedly
trumpeted. That’s true, in a way. Trump has pledged to “love, honor and obey” a
woman, not just once, but three times. You might liken his reverence for the
female of the species to the line in the old Steve Martin routine: “I want to
put women up on a pedestal,” Martin said. “The better to look up her dress.”
“Nobody knows more about taxes than I do, maybe in the history of the
world,” our credulousness-taxing Commander-in-Chief” has said. And if you have such
knowledge, why dilute it by giving it to others? Hold on to those tax returns,
by all means.
“Nobody knows more about infrastructure than I do,” the Wigged One
has boasted. More towers, resorts and golf courses are absolutely essential to
a vibrant economy, of course, but Trump also realizes that new bridges, railroads, power
plants and schools are important, not to mention excellent opportunities for
slapping one’s name on something big. We’re looking forward most of all to
Trump Dam.
“Nobody builds better walls than me,” Trump asserts, presumably not
ironically referring to the walls he’s already put up as President. The Great
Wall of Trump will be his piece de
resistance, and not nearly as expensive as experts predict, if Trump
succeeds in getting Mexicans to build it—and pay us.
“There’s nobody who understands the horror of nuclear better than me,”
says Trump, whose skin does look somewhat irradiated. The horror he envisions,
however, is probably the prospect of having no one around to praise him.
That doesn’t mean he
wouldn’t pull the trigger, despite the warnings of the generals he knows so much
more than. A nuclear holocaust, after all, would provide him the ultimate
construction project: Trumpopolis.
